I Am So Fat!

  
This is something I tell myself everyday. I have struggled with my weight my entire life! I was always known as the chubby/ fat one in my family and I was very aware and negative about my appearance from a very young age. I can remember being in primary school and feeling different to my friends. I knew I stood out not only was I chubby but I was also tall for my age. My dad used to tell me growing up “don’t worry about your body, it’s just baby fat, it will fall right off when you’re a teenager” I then hit my teens and my fat turned from baby to a grown ass adult. I was depressed about my weight which lead me to comfort eat and gain more weight. When I reached 20 years old I decided time for a change and I went on a strict diet plan of powdered shakes, soups and porridge. The taste of these packets were so disgusting that after a short while I couldn’t stomach them and resulted to just starving myself for 13 weeks. After I came to an end of my “starving programme”, I lost shit loads of weight – 4 stones to be exact and still I wasn’t happy with my body. Even though people and family told me I looked “too skinny” or “great” I still felt like I should lose more. 6 years later and I’m still struggling to lose weight and feel happy about my appearance. Although I’ve never gone back to my heaviest weight I still have been up and down on the scales between 1-2 stones. Today I was looking at all my body pics I have taken of myself on my phone ( I have a tonne) and realised that I actually didn’t look as bad as I felt at the time. I actually looked better than I do now ( see I’m still being negative) but within these pictures I hated my body, I felt fat and very negative towards myself. I’ve always known that I am my own worst enemy and I have a really bad negative attitude towards my body but today I got a wake up call. I realised that my body wasn’t that bad then and perhaps it isn’t that bad now. Calling myself FAT everyday is not the positive energy I’m trying to radiate in my life and I need to start placing myself in high regard. Yes my body isn’t the way I want it to be but you know what, I’m currently doing something about it. I’m eating healthy, i’m working my ass off in the gym so God willing I will see the results I want in due time. 

I read that speaking negative about yourself consequently leads to a snowball effect of failure leading to poor choices and regrets. I no longer want to make poor choices and have any regrets so from now on I will try really really hard not to use the word FAT. I’m going start showering myself with compliments and encouraging words. Maybe my negative attitude is my downfall, my reason for the lack of progression! Just to make sure I have my shit in order I have also told my friends they have full permission to slap me if the words happen to slip out my mouth. 🙂 

Advertisements

5 comments

  1. There is nothing to say. You are aware of what you need to do. Just gotta…do it. But I wonder are there any outside influences that make you feel this way. Like celebrities with a perfect body? Magazines? What are stones? I’m sure you mean pounds. Never heard it that way before.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s