Lifestyle

Heartbreak Hotel

So through my limbo stages of not knowing where I stood in my relationship with my ex, my girls and I decided to go out to a bar to drown my sorrows and have a little two step. With complimentary drinks from the bars owner let’s just say that particular night got very messy which I hilariously captured on snapchat. Now I won’t upload the videos (way too embarrassing) but within the snap I kept calling myself “Heartbreak Hotel” so after showing my mum the next day of my antics you can imagine my reaction when she surprised me with this gift a week later. Loool

I guess even when your in pain, you have to keep on pushing and find the funny side of the bullshit… thanks Mum lol

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10 Most Annoying Things At My Gym


As I am on my fitness/ weight loss journey cutting out junk is not the only thing I have to do in order to reach my goal… Exercise is also vital!

I must admit I hate exercising BUT I love the feeling of accomplishment afterwards and the pain I feel in my body the next day. Getting to the gym is more challenging than ever now that I’m not driving so when I do eventually drag my resentful ass to my gym the last thing I want to face is annoying ass people or things to disrupt my workout. Unfortunately annoying shit happens on every visit so heres a list of 10 things that grinds my gears!!!

1. Hogging Machines – Don’t you just hate it when you’re coming to an end of your workout and you’re waiting to use another machine but some inconsiderate twat is just sitting down NOT WORKING OUT! Many times this occurs at my gym where I’ve actually witness a man reading a newspaper STILL NOT WORKING OUT and a woman playing Candy Crush.

2. They steal machines/ equipment when they’re still being used – Now I’m all for sharing and not being a fellow hog but it’s so annoying when someone clearly sees that you have been using an equipment but feels the need to pick up it between sets. I’m having a 20 second rest sir I’m NOT finished!

3. Having full blown LOUD arguments/ conversations on the phone – I kid you not this actually happened one day. This meat head, Johnny Bravo shaped man actually had a massive argument on the phone whiles hogging a machine! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! It was so distracting especially when I was pushing 180 kg on the Leg press trying to keep strong. Although I could not understand what he was saying ( Eastern European) this man managed to out sound the loud music that was blasting from the speakers. It got so bad that eventually me and my girl turned around and told him to Shut up! Lol

4. Sweaty Betty/ Bobs forgetting to wipe down the machines – I’m a firm believer in if you’re not sweating, you’re not working hard enough BUT the last thing I want to endure is having your bodily fluids gaining contact to my skin! Gross!

5. Staff persistently offering their personal training service – I understand that personal trainers have to hustle hard and build up a clientele but if you have approached me already about what you have to offer, please leave me be until I am ready to make contact. I don’t want to have to keep dodging and diving you! Lol

6. Equipment disappearing – So annoying especially when I have a workout planned in my head and I need specific equipment which has either been stolen or misplaced.

7. Space Invaders – you know the kind of people who have no awareness of personal space! People who get on the treadmill right next to you when there are loads of empty ones. Or when you’re trying to skip and they decide to stand right in front of you!

8. Smelly People – I understand that we all get a little sweat funky after a hard workout but what drives me mad is people who smell BEFORE a workout. This only enhances the disgusting fragrance throughout their workout which results to getting a burning sensation in my nose.

9. Unattended Fully Booked Classes – My gym is the worst to book a class. You can try book a class a week in advanced and it’s still fully booked! But what annoys me the most is when I do get a place to a spinning class and there are loads of empty bikes! The least people can do is cancel their booking so that someone else can have opportunity to attend!

10. Front desk gates & security – My gym is literally on the scale of an airport! Two front desk gates which requires a gym pass to access them both! There’s been times I’ve forgotten my pass and the passionate security guard wants me to report to front desk to show some form of identification. Like to say I wasn’t here yesterday and the day before! You know my face dude just let me in!

 

*Sigh* Im going to the gym later today and just thinking about all these annoying points is getting me down! Lol I think it’s time to move to a new gym!

Make The Most Of It While You Can

It’s not often that us Londoners are blessed with a lasting hot sunny weekend but this past weekend our prayers was answered! During last week my girl made me aware of the up and coming weather and told me that we are taking a road trip to the beach! I’m not one to argue with a fun motive so of course I replied back with a “hell yeah!” Saturday we met up and got our nails done and then we hit the supermarket to buy our picnic food. We bought really cute finger snacks including humous, olives, sundried tomatoes and fruit. Sunday morning we sped down the M25 and arrived at Margate beach at 12pm. We found a car park close by which was pay and display but really reasonable! 

The vibe of Margate was really chilled and mellow, the beach wasn’t too packed and people were friendly. My girl and I brought two picnic blankets and vegged out for the whole afternoon. I haven’t been to Margate since I was a kid but it was lovely going back as an adult, seizing the day of sunshine and vibzing with good food, good music and each other’s company!

The only downfall is the bastard seagulls! We was bombarded by a tribe as soon as we took our food out. One was even brave enough to try run off with our pack of grapes 😂 luckily my girl is a tuff nut and was ready to battle with them! Me on the other hand was ducking and diving, paranoid that shit was going to land on me! Lool 

Here’s a few snaps I took of my trip xo

Black Is My Happy Colour – OOTD

The other day I joined my amazing friend at her photoshoot for her dope ass womenswear boutique ShopTwoThree (<<check them out!) and she decided to turn her camera on me! Ive never taken part in a photoshoot so i felt super awkward! lol I am someone who always wears black, its my favourite colour. If there was a darker colour than black I would love that as well!

Heres a few snaps from my “shoot” 🙂

 

Side Jacket

Studded Leather Jacket: ZARA – Black Jeans: Topshop

Bag square

Clutch: Miss Selfridge – A pop of colour to break up the black including rings from H&M

Bent over heels

Laced Heels: ZARA

I Am So Fat!

  
This is something I tell myself everyday. I have struggled with my weight my entire life! I was always known as the chubby/ fat one in my family and I was very aware and negative about my appearance from a very young age. I can remember being in primary school and feeling different to my friends. I knew I stood out not only was I chubby but I was also tall for my age. My dad used to tell me growing up “don’t worry about your body, it’s just baby fat, it will fall right off when you’re a teenager” I then hit my teens and my fat turned from baby to a grown ass adult. I was depressed about my weight which lead me to comfort eat and gain more weight. When I reached 20 years old I decided time for a change and I went on a strict diet plan of powdered shakes, soups and porridge. The taste of these packets were so disgusting that after a short while I couldn’t stomach them and resulted to just starving myself for 13 weeks. After I came to an end of my “starving programme”, I lost shit loads of weight – 4 stones to be exact and still I wasn’t happy with my body. Even though people and family told me I looked “too skinny” or “great” I still felt like I should lose more. 6 years later and I’m still struggling to lose weight and feel happy about my appearance. Although I’ve never gone back to my heaviest weight I still have been up and down on the scales between 1-2 stones. Today I was looking at all my body pics I have taken of myself on my phone ( I have a tonne) and realised that I actually didn’t look as bad as I felt at the time. I actually looked better than I do now ( see I’m still being negative) but within these pictures I hated my body, I felt fat and very negative towards myself. I’ve always known that I am my own worst enemy and I have a really bad negative attitude towards my body but today I got a wake up call. I realised that my body wasn’t that bad then and perhaps it isn’t that bad now. Calling myself FAT everyday is not the positive energy I’m trying to radiate in my life and I need to start placing myself in high regard. Yes my body isn’t the way I want it to be but you know what, I’m currently doing something about it. I’m eating healthy, i’m working my ass off in the gym so God willing I will see the results I want in due time. 

I read that speaking negative about yourself consequently leads to a snowball effect of failure leading to poor choices and regrets. I no longer want to make poor choices and have any regrets so from now on I will try really really hard not to use the word FAT. I’m going start showering myself with compliments and encouraging words. Maybe my negative attitude is my downfall, my reason for the lack of progression! Just to make sure I have my shit in order I have also told my friends they have full permission to slap me if the words happen to slip out my mouth. 🙂 

Thick Thighs Might Save Lives BUT They’re Killing My Jeans 

  

  I’m sure every woman with thick thighs can relate! Jeans always seem to have a 12 month expiration date with me due to my robust thunder thighs. Today I have had to say farewell to my favourite ripped jeans and I can’t help but feel a little sad. You would think I would be accustomed to short term relationships with my bottom garments but these jeans hold memories of a great social year . Last year I had one of the best Spring/summers and now this hole represents an official closing to that chapter. 

Oh well time to buy some new ripped jeans I think! Xo

My Constant Fuck Up

I don’t know what it is about myself why I keep letting myself down. The term ‘getting in my own way’ 1000% applies to me. I am emotionally drained with the constant battle with my weight. There isn’t a single day I don’t mind fuck myself with guilt, anger and frustration over my appearance. My confidence level is an at all time low as I write this, trying to work out why I keep setting myself back from officially reaching my goal. Yh I have lost a lot of weight in the past and yes I have NOT put all my weight back on BUT there’s something wrong with my brain that once I start to see progress, I fuck it all up and become lazy again. My previous weight loss post where I talked about my on going battle was true to the core. I made great progress cutting out the carbs, hitting the gym 4-5 times a week. But once I came back from my vacation in the Dominican I fell off. I kept telling myself ‘start on Monday’ but Monday never came, I just became lazy only going gym 1-3 times a week. I can blame it on the few devastating events that have occurred since July but I will be lying to myself. There is no excuse as to why I look the way I do. Many people will look at me and say I am crazy for feeling the way I do about myself, (I hear it all the time) but its how I FEEL about MYSELF. There is not one person who can try and convince me that I am ‘Deluding’ myself about my weight. I could have Trey Songz or the rapper Game (Man crushes) standing in front of me, telling me I am perfect just the way I am and I will still feel the same damn way. On Friday I did the unthinkable and stood on the scales and what I saw was NOT pretty…kind of shocking. This is something I don’t normally do but I have reached the point where I am so unhappy with myself that if I continue to carry on, I am literally going to drive myself to the psychiatric ward at my local hospital (A little dramatic but so what, I am currently caught all in my feelings!) My weight is something that is growing heavier on my heart day by day and although I try to have the best poker face 🙂 and not express myself to those closest to me; this situation is affecting my morale.

This is a reality check to myself, things have to change and if I want change I have to make shit happen!

Only I can make myself happy and the only way to do that is to get my ass in gear, eat right, cut out the junk and hit the gym. Its either that or continue to be miserable and I am tired of this unfulfilled feeling I have with myself.

It is well over due but it is 1000000% time to make myself happy.