Sincerely Me

Ask, Believe and Receive 

I hate talking about my problems to people hence why I keep shit bottled in. I tend to only speak to myself and then end up completely overthinking and mind fucking myself.  I’ve  been trying to have a positive outlook on life. Everyday I give myself a pep talk of “the glass is half full” “everything happens for a reason” but life always has a way of trying me.

I’ve researched, stuck encouraging post-it notes on my mirrors, printed articles, bought books. Shit, I’ve even downloaded ‘The Law of Attraction’ and ‘The Secret Daily Teachings’ app to find words of encouragement. Most recently I’ve downloaded Joel Osteen ‘Word of Today’ app to uplift and motivate me with words of worship to God. I have done all of these things and my morale and my life doesn’t seem to be pushing forward positively.

The law of attraction is basically a state of mind philosophy, for one to free their mind from negativity and revel in the universal law of positive attraction. It’s all about having a positive mind set, think positive thoughts and those very thoughts will become a reality.

But my question is does this shit even work?!

If I keep speaking things into existence and having positive uplifting thoughts will I get what I want?

I’ve been ASKING for what I want, I BELIEVE I deserve and can obtain what I want so when will I RECEIVE what I want??

I need some guidance or a sign because right now I’m feeling so damn fed up and I hate being such a Debbie downer….church on Sunday perhaps? Xo

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Love, Peace & Happiness… Does It Exist?


I’ve been asking myself this question all day. I feel that my whole life all i’ve ever wanted was the simple things, the 3 simple words I feel is needed in not just my life but everything that has a beating heart. What does one have to do to receive these important elements? Is it the power of prayer? because for as far as i can remember I have been praying to God, asking him to pull me into his warm embrace and rescue me from my over thinking and sad heart. I feel when you know who you are as a person, when you know the purity of your heart, God will also know and shower you with blessings – Love, Peace and Happiness.

At the age of 26 I feel sorry and disheartened that I still have not found the 3 elements to feel at one with myself. My birthday is fast approaching and a new chapter of my life will start and this no longer excites me, in fact it damn right scares me shitless.  I feel I am a good person with a clean heart but yet I feel like I am damaged goods. Sad isn’t it?! to feel like you are a good person but at the same time you’re so damaged you feel like love, peace and happiness will never come your way. It is as if I’m trapped in a glass jar suffocating, I see myself through the glass with all the potential and all the blessings I could have but this life just seems so unreachable.

On the outside looking in my life to friends, family seems so exciting, well put together but the reality is I am damaged. So damaged that I have mastered the art of the ‘poker face’. If you was to meet me I am described by my friends bubbly, funny and always smiling, but my smiling is a way to cover up my pain. Every time I try to uplift myself or say “life is too short to be unhappy” or “Speak things into existence and you shall receive” reality always has a fucked up way of killing my high. I have always wanted better for myself, to do better and I have tried, lord knows I have, so much so that I’m beginning to feel like this is all my life will come to, a smiling face and a sad heart. I don’t know when my Love, Peace & Happiness will come into play but God knows Iv’e been constantly battling and trying to make my own peace and happiness. I just need a sign, something to tell me things will fall into place and get better.

I Am My Own Worst Enemy

Before & After

Before & After

For as long as I can remember I have constantly battled with my weight. I started to notice I was different around the age of 7. I was tall and chubby and far different from all my friends and cousins. As a kid I always had an idea of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to look like but my reality was always exposed when I looked in the mirror. I guess I always wanted to be looked as a delicate flower, some sort of a princess ballerina but I was always seen as cute, chubby, bubbly Jade. My mum always encouraged, forced me to lose weight in the past but I guess when you feel the pressure from a parent to be/ look a certain way the rebellious side tends to come out and I always did the complete opposite (secretly). I guess I can sit here and blame the dysfunctional childhood I had with my dad, being mistreated and neglected by him and all the drama he caused for my mum and myself but the truth is I LOVE FOOD. I am 100% a foodie! I love the comfort it brings, I love to cook, I love to chill out on my own (I love my own company) with a good movie, with a side of some sort delicious snack. When I reached my teen years I became more and more self-conscious about my weight but I would put my best poker face on and lie to myself thinking everything would workout for the best and come full circle. Although thankfully I was never bullied about my weight, I went through my entire high school, college and first year of university being self conscious about myself. I was always looked as the funny girl, the girl that was cool with everyone but as a young woman, never having compliments about my appearance, never having desirable guys wanting to date me or be my boyfriend my confidence level was nonexistent. Although one should always love themselves first and never look at another for approval or acceptance, I’m sure we all can admit that being desired, wanted by someone you equally want and desire is a confidence boost. It is a good feeling knowing someone wants you just as much as you may or may not want them.
After years of tears, depression and resentment about my weight towards the end of my first year at university I decided enough was enough and it was time for a change. Once I handed my last assignment I went ghost for the entire summer and completed a diet programme. For 12 weeks I hibernated and stayed in my house determined to make a change for myself. All I’ve ever wanted was to be happy and proud of myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, so staying focus on my weight loss journey was mandatory.

**** Side bar**** When you decide to make positive changes in you life loyal friends, people who really have your back 100% come to light and those who really should have never been in your life at all are exposed. I have gone through a lot of negative shit in my life and people who I always was loyal to I later found out that they were not true of a friend to me as a thought. For those who are making a positive change for themselves unfortunately you will always get people trying to keep you down with them. When I started my weight loss Journey I had so called friends and family asking me ” Why do you want to lose weight for?” ” You’re only going to put it all back on once you finished” oh and the classic bullshit comment “you’re fine as you are, you don’t need to lose weight” meanwhile these same people are slim and tightly tone with a waist the size of my thigh. I came to the conclusion that certain people are scared of change, deep down they find you as a threat but the one thing they had over you or in some cases share the same quality as them is the same thing you have decided to change for the good. True friends give words of encouragement, they support and love you no matter what changes you make to your life whether it be a new boyfriend, a new career, a new car etc. If anytime you share good, positive news with a so called friend and they don’t support or show you love and encouragement, just know that it is time to distance yourself and move on to positive like minded people. Not everyone you started out with must always remain in your life. ********

Towards the end of my summer I had dropped 4 Stones (56 pounds, 25.4 KG) and I began to love what I saw in the mirror. The shocked factor was in full effect when I decided to come out of hibernation. Seeing the faces of the negative people who doubted my will power was priceless! I didn’t 100% reach my target weight but the left picture above was just before I started my weight loss journey. The craziest thing is I actually became even bigger than that before I started my journey. Although I have never gone back to the size of the left pic, it has been a long ass ride (like I said I love food too much). I have continued to lose and put on a few pounds here and there, back and forth. Truth is I’m still struggling to jump the last hurdle and reach my goal. I sit here writing this post today feeling deflated about my body, I am still my own worst enemy and harshest critic. Not one person can make me feel worst about myself the way I do. Mind fucking myself is definitely my downfall, I constantly over think shit but for the last 3 months I have been putting my all into watching what I eat and going hard in the gym. Every diet you can think of I have done, shake diets, starvation, juice diets, you name it, I’ve done it. For the Last 3 months however I have decided to do it the correct way, eat healthy, no crash diet and workout out hard till my whole body becomes crippled.
Main reason why I am feeling more body conscious is because I am going to a well deserved luxury holiday with my girl to Dominican Republic and I have been breaking my back trying to feel good about my body before I fly out on July the 1st. I have created tremendous pressure for myself constantly comparing myself to what my friend looks like and the idea of what I should look like. I have 3 WEEKS AND 3 DAYS left for a miracle to happen, lord knows I need it. I know losing weight and making a body transformation takes time, patients and dedication but time is not what’s on my side right now. I know realistically I wont be at my goal weight by July the 1st but if I can shift some more tummy weight and feel good when I walk out on to that gorgeous Dominican beach, I will feel that all this hard work I have been putting in was not all in vain. Prayer and a positive mindset is what I need to stick to and my 5th gym session this week… Spinning tomorrow morning 9am.

Wish me luck!

About Me…

Run DMC'in

Welcome to my spot! I’m Jade and i’m from outskirts of North West London.  I adore music, fashion and overall the entertainment world. I have attempted blogging before but quickly lost interest due to the lack of personal features I was willing to share at the time.
After procrastinating for a while about returning to the ‘blogging world’ I feel now is best time to create a place where my thoughts and feelings can be expressed, published and hopefully acknowledged. Life is constantly moving at a fast pace where people no longer have the time or patients to express true feelings on how they feel about someone or something. But I have made a personal decision to step out of my comfort zone and free my mind and fingers and share my interests and my life. Hope you enjoy! 🙂