Month: October 2016

Chapter 28

I have just entered my new birth year  (14th October) and you know what, I actually feel really good about it. I was dreading turning a year older due to personal things in my life not coming together BUT I feel grateful and blessed. I know how truly blessed I am to have a loving family, good friends and health.
This birthday I just wanted to let my hair down and have a fun, care free celebration. I normally organise a birthday dinner extravaganza where I’m the one worrying about people showing up on time, whether their having a good time etc. This year I grew sick and tired with a lot of people and decided to just focus on something much more laid back.

I chose to attend a 90’s themed Karaoke event where the entire venue and guest paid homage to the best era for Hiphop and R&B. There was karaoke, old skool games such as Nintendo 64, PAC Man and old skool props including dress code. I had such a laugh with my girls dancing the night away and drinking way too much Rum. 

I chose to get my 90’s inspiration from Mary J Blige, Faith Evans and 90’s Chola’s from Compton. I two toned my lips using dark lip liner and burgundy & red mate cream lipstick. I bought some door knocker gold earrings and wore a black body with high rise black jeans. I also wore faux fur but I didn’t manage to get a pic wearing it. 

I believe every time you turn a year older there must be some form of positive change whether it’s in work life, personal relationships or just a change in your mind set. Personal growth is so important. I always seem to have an epiphany leading up to my birthday where I assess my life and the people in it and whether it’s a healthy to continue going into a new birth year the same way. Change is good and I have faith in god and myself to make this new chapter a positive and happy one. Xo

Natural Hair Struggle

It’s been 5 years since I decided to go natural and I can’t say it’s been an easy experience. Ive always had curly hair since I was a baby but my hair was and still is super thick so when I was 13 years old I stupidly “texturised” my hair just before I started secondary school. You should have seen the length! My hair was almost touching my bum and I loved it… at the time. After years of relaxing my hair it started to get shorter and lifeless. My hair was so limb and dry from all the relaxing products, so on Good Friday in 2011 I made a firm decision that it was going to be the last time I was going to put chemicals in my hair.

 At first  I didn’t really see much difference between the two textures in my hair but towards the end of 2011 my mum very lovingly told me my hair looked a mess and I needed to do something  with it. I chose to go for a protective style as I wasn’t ready to do the ‘big chop’ so I opted for a full head of weave. Now this was my first time ever wearing weave so I was super excited! I felt like BeyoncĂ© leaving the salon. 

Every time I get my hair done I still get excited with the results. It’s just a switch up from the usual boring hair styles I have day to day.

I soon became accustomed to having tight braids and a long mane and over the last 4 years Ive been having my hair weaved in the winter months and having my natural hair out in the summer. 

My natural hair LOVES water, it’s as if it stays dehydrated. It looks so nice when I first come out the shower but then as the day progresses my hair just seems to shrink. One thing I quickly learned about having natural hair is that it takes EFFORT, MONEY & PATIENCE! You find yourself spending a small fortune on loads of curly hair products, experiementing and trying to figure out what best suits your curl pattern. 

Figuring out your curl pattern in the beginning can be challenging as you are in the transitioning stages between your processed hair and your natural hair. It can be misleading where you may think your curl pattern is one way but really it’s on a completely different coding.

I used this curl chart when I first went natural and I’m yet figure out what exactly is my curl pattern.  I have all kind of textures in my hair. I would say my curl pattern is between 3b, 3c & 4a. The back and middle part of my hair is 4a but then I have some 3c in the mix. It’s just complicated! Trying to work out what hair products best suit my hair is also complicated. Most products leave a horrible white residue  where it looks like I have a head full of dandruff! The best curl pudding I find works well is Aunt Jackies Curl LaLa Defining Curl Custard 

It smells amazing and it leaves my hair soft and frizz free. 

My hair has grown over the years but it’s been a very slow process. When you first decided to go natural it’s so easy to get caught up with how long your hair is taking to grow and start comparing your progress to others. I’m 5 years into my natural hair journey and I’m still not happy with my hair length. It takes time, TLC, Coconut oil, deep conditioning treatments and protective styles. 

I must admit though I’m absolutely rubbish with hair! When I’m not wearing weave my hair is either up in a bun or left out. I’m not adventurous enough to try different styles. I just need a curl hair guru to work her magic on this curl fro xo

Have A Seat At The Table Honey!

The anticipated album from the ever so gorgeous Solange is finally here! I downloaded this album on 1/10/16 and have been playing it non stop ever since… I’m in love! This album is everything and I’m not just saying that because I’ve been a fan since her sophomore album 8 years ago (Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams). It’s soul touching, you can close your eyes and zone out into another place… it feels almost spiritual.  I appreciate the time she took making this album because it reflects in the body of work. The thing I love about Solange is that she walks at the beat of her own drum. She is in her own lane and competes with no one. She’s eclectic, distinctive, quirky and sexy. 

The album has a combination of straight talk political views with an R&b sultry tone. Tracks such as Don’t Touch My Hair, Weary, Cranes in the Sky all have a sense of empowerment and identity. I love how she incorporated skits featuring her mother and father expressing their personal views of embracing black culture and past experience of racial discrimination. 

This album is dope! If you haven’t already got it, go get it!!! Xo

So I must please you but who the fuck is pleasing me?

This morning while I was working out at the gym, hip hop blasting in my headphones I started to analyse certain things that I’ve been through and still currently going through and I started to get pissed off! I don’t know about you but when I’m working out with my headphones on it gives me time to tune out from the world and be with my own thoughts. 
This morning thoughts bottles down to being used. Everyone has been used some point in their lives but with me the shit reoccurs and I do but I don’t understand why. 

My character is very chilled. I’m super laid back, go with the flow and with that comes the openness to communicate with people. I’m not a standoffish person, I’m a kind of girl who has an open ear and a outgoing persona. So when you acquire all of these qualities it usually attracts bullshit people, people who always want something and also people who likes to make an appearance after years of absence. 

At first i’m questioning why this person wants to talk after all these years but then I talk myself down to hear the person out. (Silly me) The conversation usually  flows well, catching up with what’s happened in each other’s lives but then the person contacts me the next day, and everyday after that which then makes me think.. “hmmm, what do you really want from me because in the past you wasn’t blowing up my inbox like this”. 

Then Surprise, surprise just as I thought the person asks me for a favour, and has the cheek to continuously asks for more favours as if me and this person is on that kind of friend level. 

Now don’t get me wrong I’m here to help those in need but when people constantly want something from you surely it becomes draining and annoying?
It’s annoying because the user is bullshitting me. Creating this friendly safe haven, pretending to actually give a fuck but in actual reality they’re just waiting for my guard to go down so they can get what they want. I can’t stand that sneaky shit. 
I’m sick of it especially because I’m not that way inclined. I don’t ask for shit from anyone. I could have 50p in my purse I would never ask for money. I could be stuck on how to do something and I will try to figure it out on my own. I’m built that way, that’s how my mama raised me. To be independent. 

Ive learnt at a very young age that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself and it’s just as well because looking back on my life all the so called “friends” and “guys” I’ve had, not one of them had my back the way I had theirs. 
Looking at relationships with guys ( slim Pickens) not one of them had my best interest at heart. Sure they might talk the talk but their actions told me otherwise. Which is usually the main reason why I cut them out of my life so swiftly. They may have acted like they had my back but in reality they lied and cheated to suit their needs because at the end of the day that’s what it’s about. Catering to themselves. 

Today Is just one of those days where I reached breaking point! It’s the audacity of it all, why must I cater to your needs, your wants and desires. Who the fuck is there for me when I’m sad, when I’m in need of something? Who’s checking to see if I’m ok, to see how my life is going.. no one. This is a tit for tat world because at the end of the day you can’t keep giving to someone, draining your time and energy and not receive anything back. 
Right now I’m at a place where I’m really trying to get my shit together, to be happy with myself. I don’t need any bullshit coming my way. To be honest I just want to be left alone. Room to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating from people’s “fakeness”. My birthday is in 8 days.. perhaps a change in the way I handle myself is needed. Maybe I need to have a little more bitch in me because being nice to everyone gets me in the position of being used. 

Relationships & Being Single: New Ep out now!

Hey guys! It’s been a while! Roughly about a month since my last post 🙈 Life just took over and I lost track of things I wanted to share with you guys! Anyway as you are aware from previous post I have a YouTube channel with my friend and we recently posted a video about relationships and being single. My friend is currently in a relationship so she shares some of her experiences and I talked about being single and the “joys” of trying to find the “right one”

We received a lot of feedback (positive and negative) from men which was quite interesting. We are definitely going to do a part 2 on this topic where we will have some guys join us on this discussion and share their perspectives.

Hope you enjoy 😉