Love & Life

Curly Sue

I decided to use flexirods again but I tried a different method this time. My hair was already blowdried and straightened so instead of wetting it like I’ve done in the past, I literally just applied some curl pudding onto my dry hair and wrapped it around the rods.

This is by far the best my hair has turned out so I will definitely be using this method again!

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Heartbreak Hotel

So through my limbo stages of not knowing where I stood in my relationship with my ex, my girls and I decided to go out to a bar to drown my sorrows and have a little two step. With complimentary drinks from the bars owner let’s just say that particular night got very messy which I hilariously captured on snapchat. Now I won’t upload the videos (way too embarrassing) but within the snap I kept calling myself “Heartbreak Hotel” so after showing my mum the next day of my antics you can imagine my reaction when she surprised me with this gift a week later. Loool

I guess even when your in pain, you have to keep on pushing and find the funny side of the bullshit… thanks Mum lol

The Pain of Giving your heart to the wrong person

I know everyone goes through this at some point in their life, it’s looked at as the normal life lesson that one will always experience but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like hell.

I’m currently going through a heartbreak and it’s been one of the most devastating, emotionally and mentally draining experience of my life. Being the “late bloomer” out of all my friends, having not experienced multiple relationships throughout my teens and the best part of my 20’s I feel that now i am pushing 30 the lost of a relationship hurts more because of the fact that I am at the age where I want to progress; settle down and move forward to becoming a wife and a mother.

Being in a relationship with someone who is battling with their own demons can take a huge effect to the relationship and no matter how hard you fight to save the relationship and help your partner, until they are willing to help themselves you are basically flogging a dead horse.

My break up with my boyfriend was very recent so the wounds are still very much raw. Its more so heartbreaking because the destruction of my relationship was not something that happened gradually. It was literally an over night situation.

I was completely blindsided and confused as to why and how he went from telling me he loved me one day to complete isolation and no communication. After 3 and half weeks trying EVERYTHING to get this man who I thought loved me to communicate with me, I realised that I had to let go for my own sanity.

I feel at this point I’m in mourning for the relationship I thought I had, for the man I thought loved me and for the fact that I am now left all alone.

Trying to keep yourself busy when ALL your friends are in loving relationships can be deflating. And although I am so happy for my friends it cuts a little deeper when they share progressive moments in their relationships such as babies and engagements. I literally can’t keep my ass still. Nothing I’m doing is satisfying. I’m not content being with my own company because I became accustomed to spending so much time with my ex.

Let me just say that I was never this girl. I was always comfortable being on my own but right now the heartbreak is real.

I know all the cliché sayings “it wasn’t meant to be” “all in gods time” and all that other bullshit but as I sit here typing this I can’t help but feel bitter and sad towards the fact that this is actually happening to me. Like my question is why? I am a damn good woman and I did not deserve the mistreatment I received from a man I stood by and accepted all his flaws.

I know I deserve better. I know I deserve to be loved, adored and valued. But it doesn’t change the fact that now I have to start all over again and have faith that someone new won’t treat me the same way my ex did. I have to find the strength within myself to believe that there is actually a good man out there for me but for now I will sit here in my heartbreak and sip my wine.

Understanding Each Other’s Traits 

When you meet someone new in your life getting to know that individual is a learning experience. An attraction is initially there to begin with for you to want to get to know them in the first place but the more you get to know them, the more is revealed… the good, the bad and the ugly. When you first meet someone it’s almost as if it’s a whirl wind fairytale. You’re excited to be around them, you’re excited to understand what makes them this new bright light in your life. I like to call this the “honeymoon period”. Whether its a new platonic relationship or your actually dating, everyone is still at the “I want to impress you” stage not really letting their guard down exposing who they truly are. 
After you have established your position within this new friendship/relationship and you become comfortable in this position that is when guards start to come down and new traits start to show. 

The issues that start to arise is you realise that the sugar coated persona you once knew is not an everyday thing. I understand we can’t always be happy go lucky and thoughtful all the time but my issue right now is getting used to the new traits that wasn’t exposed before. 

Im a laid back kind of girl, my persona is warm and inviting. I have some what of patience of a saint so when someone I’m interacting with is very vocal and harshly blunt, it takes me back and I can’t lie it also rubs me up the wrong way. 

Maybe I’m too soft and I need to “man up” and be a little tougher. But why should I have to change who I am to accommodate someone new in my life?. Surly my persona is what attracted this person to my life in the first place. Perhaps it’s a learning phase. An opportunity to learn each other’s differences and grow from it. But at what expense? I’m not prepared to feel indifferent and uncomfortable just so the other person doesn’t. Surely it’s about comprising and understand the dos and don’ts…. hmmm TBC

Makeupless March 

So I’ve been challenged by my boyfriend not to wear any form of makeup for the whole of March to see how I would cope in social settings. Anyone that knows me knows I love a challenge and besides I mostly wear a full face on the weekends anyway so technically it’s only 8 days (4 weekends) I will be deprived for. It’s day 6 into the challenge and I’m feeling good about it especially as I’ve been told I will be rewarded a gift or an outing of some sort. 😍😁

I have today however been thinking it’s quite early into my new relationship to be so plain faced but as he informed me I don’t need it, he must think I look alright as a plain Jane! 

I haven’t really been on snapchat or uploaded any insta pics due to feeling like I look a tad wishy woshy (made up word for blah – plain faced) however I managed to take a snap yesterday in my dressing gown. 😊


Let the challenge commence! He better come through with my gift 😂😉

My feature on Channel 4


Last summer I was approached by my friend to apply for this TV show called How to lose weight well. I had already watched the first series and was really excited to apply for it as managing my weight has always been a constant struggle. Me and my girl filled out the application not thinking that we would actually get a call back so quickly as I assumed thousand other applicants would be applying, so picking us would be slim to none. 
After a brief conversation me and girl had a joint Skype interview so that the producers can get a feel of the friendship and vibe we had together. Later on that week we were confirmed for the show and  was booked to start filming the following month!

Reality started to settle in and I started having major doubts. I was feeling super nervous with how I was going to come across on TV and knowing that the whole world will know my business! After being persuaded and reassured by my girl and the production company I decided to remain as one of the cast members. 

The first day of filming is when the presenter reveals what diet you will be on and how long for. As we were not classified as majorly over weight we was placed on a crash diet for “10 days” I say “10 days” but in reality we were only asked to be on the diet for 7 days. My diet was called the “low fat diet” where I basically had to avoid high fatty foods, takeaways, alcohol and sweet treats. I needed to have 3 square meals with fruit, veg and wholewheat foods such as brown rice, pasta and bread. 

When I read all of this information my first thought was “what weight can I lose eating all theses carbs!?” I was just so used to abusing my body doing the most ridiculous things trying to lose weight that I never really imagine just eating healthy and working out would actually work. 

Throughout my diet week I had to document my journey filming my personal Vlogs alongside filming with the production team. As we were only on the “10 day diet” filming was very demanding and at times felt really intrusive! We filmed everywhere including in the gym where I was filmed sweating it out in my boxercise class. I really made an effort with gym because I really wanted to see a difference within my diet week. 

On the 7th day of the diet it was time to reveal our weight lost just before our event. I was super nervous what the outcome would be but I knew I had stuck to the plan and killed it in the gym! 

I couldn’t not believe that what I saw on the scales! In 7 days eating healthy I lost over 1 stone! I was ecstatic that my hard work paid off. Throughout filming and after we had to keep quiet about featuring on the show so when it was aired on 17/01/17 you can imagine my anticipation with how my friends and family will react seeing me on their TV screens. 

All feedback was so positive for the little they did show of my story. I understand how production works but I was very shocked of the amount of footage that wasn’t not included. I must admit I felt a little cheated. I put so much effort with being truthful and exposed on camera so for It to not have been featured was a little disheartening. 

Following on from my experience I’ve learned to not be negative/ worried about myself and how I will come across to people. My experience has taught me to say yes to daring things and to not be scared of the outcome. I would not personally regard the diet I was placed on as a crash diet. I was not depriving myself from food, just simply eating healthy. Definitely something worth up keeping! Xo

Afternoon Tea with a View


I’ve been meaning to go to Tower 42 in the city for quite some time so when opportunity arised to go on an afternoon date at Vertigo42 champagne bar, I was really looking forward to it. 
Vertigo 42 is one of the city’s highest building and offers lush panoramic views overlooking the city. Everything was perfect, the views were amazing, the food was yummy and the company was even better 😉


We had champagne, a large selection of teas and a delicious selection of sandwiches, scones and tarts. The whole afternoon had a perfect vibe. If you wanted to try something different on a date I would definitely recommend this place! Perfect romantic setting for two 👌🏾

Chapter 28

I have just entered my new birth year  (14th October) and you know what, I actually feel really good about it. I was dreading turning a year older due to personal things in my life not coming together BUT I feel grateful and blessed. I know how truly blessed I am to have a loving family, good friends and health.
This birthday I just wanted to let my hair down and have a fun, care free celebration. I normally organise a birthday dinner extravaganza where I’m the one worrying about people showing up on time, whether their having a good time etc. This year I grew sick and tired with a lot of people and decided to just focus on something much more laid back.

I chose to attend a 90’s themed Karaoke event where the entire venue and guest paid homage to the best era for Hiphop and R&B. There was karaoke, old skool games such as Nintendo 64, PAC Man and old skool props including dress code. I had such a laugh with my girls dancing the night away and drinking way too much Rum. 

I chose to get my 90’s inspiration from Mary J Blige, Faith Evans and 90’s Chola’s from Compton. I two toned my lips using dark lip liner and burgundy & red mate cream lipstick. I bought some door knocker gold earrings and wore a black body with high rise black jeans. I also wore faux fur but I didn’t manage to get a pic wearing it. 


I believe every time you turn a year older there must be some form of positive change whether it’s in work life, personal relationships or just a change in your mind set. Personal growth is so important. I always seem to have an epiphany leading up to my birthday where I assess my life and the people in it and whether it’s a healthy to continue going into a new birth year the same way. Change is good and I have faith in god and myself to make this new chapter a positive and happy one. Xo

Have A Seat At The Table Honey!


The anticipated album from the ever so gorgeous Solange is finally here! I downloaded this album on 1/10/16 and have been playing it non stop ever since… I’m in love! This album is everything and I’m not just saying that because I’ve been a fan since her sophomore album 8 years ago (Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams). It’s soul touching, you can close your eyes and zone out into another place… it feels almost spiritual.  I appreciate the time she took making this album because it reflects in the body of work. The thing I love about Solange is that she walks at the beat of her own drum. She is in her own lane and competes with no one. She’s eclectic, distinctive, quirky and sexy. 

The album has a combination of straight talk political views with an R&b sultry tone. Tracks such as Don’t Touch My Hair, Weary, Cranes in the Sky all have a sense of empowerment and identity. I love how she incorporated skits featuring her mother and father expressing their personal views of embracing black culture and past experience of racial discrimination. 

This album is dope! If you haven’t already got it, go get it!!! Xo

So I must please you but who the fuck is pleasing me?

This morning while I was working out at the gym, hip hop blasting in my headphones I started to analyse certain things that I’ve been through and still currently going through and I started to get pissed off! I don’t know about you but when I’m working out with my headphones on it gives me time to tune out from the world and be with my own thoughts. 
This morning thoughts bottles down to being used. Everyone has been used some point in their lives but with me the shit reoccurs and I do but I don’t understand why. 

My character is very chilled. I’m super laid back, go with the flow and with that comes the openness to communicate with people. I’m not a standoffish person, I’m a kind of girl who has an open ear and a outgoing persona. So when you acquire all of these qualities it usually attracts bullshit people, people who always want something and also people who likes to make an appearance after years of absence. 

At first i’m questioning why this person wants to talk after all these years but then I talk myself down to hear the person out. (Silly me) The conversation usually  flows well, catching up with what’s happened in each other’s lives but then the person contacts me the next day, and everyday after that which then makes me think.. “hmmm, what do you really want from me because in the past you wasn’t blowing up my inbox like this”. 

Then Surprise, surprise just as I thought the person asks me for a favour, and has the cheek to continuously asks for more favours as if me and this person is on that kind of friend level. 

Now don’t get me wrong I’m here to help those in need but when people constantly want something from you surely it becomes draining and annoying?
It’s annoying because the user is bullshitting me. Creating this friendly safe haven, pretending to actually give a fuck but in actual reality they’re just waiting for my guard to go down so they can get what they want. I can’t stand that sneaky shit. 
I’m sick of it especially because I’m not that way inclined. I don’t ask for shit from anyone. I could have 50p in my purse I would never ask for money. I could be stuck on how to do something and I will try to figure it out on my own. I’m built that way, that’s how my mama raised me. To be independent. 

Ive learnt at a very young age that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself and it’s just as well because looking back on my life all the so called “friends” and “guys” I’ve had, not one of them had my back the way I had theirs. 
Looking at relationships with guys ( slim Pickens) not one of them had my best interest at heart. Sure they might talk the talk but their actions told me otherwise. Which is usually the main reason why I cut them out of my life so swiftly. They may have acted like they had my back but in reality they lied and cheated to suit their needs because at the end of the day that’s what it’s about. Catering to themselves. 

Today Is just one of those days where I reached breaking point! It’s the audacity of it all, why must I cater to your needs, your wants and desires. Who the fuck is there for me when I’m sad, when I’m in need of something? Who’s checking to see if I’m ok, to see how my life is going.. no one. This is a tit for tat world because at the end of the day you can’t keep giving to someone, draining your time and energy and not receive anything back. 
Right now I’m at a place where I’m really trying to get my shit together, to be happy with myself. I don’t need any bullshit coming my way. To be honest I just want to be left alone. Room to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating from people’s “fakeness”. My birthday is in 8 days.. perhaps a change in the way I handle myself is needed. Maybe I need to have a little more bitch in me because being nice to everyone gets me in the position of being used.