Friendship

Understanding Each Other’s Traits 

When you meet someone new in your life getting to know that individual is a learning experience. An attraction is initially there to begin with for you to want to get to know them in the first place but the more you get to know them, the more is revealed… the good, the bad and the ugly. When you first meet someone it’s almost as if it’s a whirl wind fairytale. You’re excited to be around them, you’re excited to understand what makes them this new bright light in your life. I like to call this the “honeymoon period”. Whether its a new platonic relationship or your actually dating, everyone is still at the “I want to impress you” stage not really letting their guard down exposing who they truly are. 
After you have established your position within this new friendship/relationship and you become comfortable in this position that is when guards start to come down and new traits start to show. 

The issues that start to arise is you realise that the sugar coated persona you once knew is not an everyday thing. I understand we can’t always be happy go lucky and thoughtful all the time but my issue right now is getting used to the new traits that wasn’t exposed before. 

Im a laid back kind of girl, my persona is warm and inviting. I have some what of patience of a saint so when someone I’m interacting with is very vocal and harshly blunt, it takes me back and I can’t lie it also rubs me up the wrong way. 

Maybe I’m too soft and I need to “man up” and be a little tougher. But why should I have to change who I am to accommodate someone new in my life?. Surly my persona is what attracted this person to my life in the first place. Perhaps it’s a learning phase. An opportunity to learn each other’s differences and grow from it. But at what expense? I’m not prepared to feel indifferent and uncomfortable just so the other person doesn’t. Surely it’s about comprising and understand the dos and don’ts…. hmmm TBC

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So I must please you but who the fuck is pleasing me?

This morning while I was working out at the gym, hip hop blasting in my headphones I started to analyse certain things that I’ve been through and still currently going through and I started to get pissed off! I don’t know about you but when I’m working out with my headphones on it gives me time to tune out from the world and be with my own thoughts. 
This morning thoughts bottles down to being used. Everyone has been used some point in their lives but with me the shit reoccurs and I do but I don’t understand why. 

My character is very chilled. I’m super laid back, go with the flow and with that comes the openness to communicate with people. I’m not a standoffish person, I’m a kind of girl who has an open ear and a outgoing persona. So when you acquire all of these qualities it usually attracts bullshit people, people who always want something and also people who likes to make an appearance after years of absence. 

At first i’m questioning why this person wants to talk after all these years but then I talk myself down to hear the person out. (Silly me) The conversation usually  flows well, catching up with what’s happened in each other’s lives but then the person contacts me the next day, and everyday after that which then makes me think.. “hmmm, what do you really want from me because in the past you wasn’t blowing up my inbox like this”. 

Then Surprise, surprise just as I thought the person asks me for a favour, and has the cheek to continuously asks for more favours as if me and this person is on that kind of friend level. 

Now don’t get me wrong I’m here to help those in need but when people constantly want something from you surely it becomes draining and annoying?
It’s annoying because the user is bullshitting me. Creating this friendly safe haven, pretending to actually give a fuck but in actual reality they’re just waiting for my guard to go down so they can get what they want. I can’t stand that sneaky shit. 
I’m sick of it especially because I’m not that way inclined. I don’t ask for shit from anyone. I could have 50p in my purse I would never ask for money. I could be stuck on how to do something and I will try to figure it out on my own. I’m built that way, that’s how my mama raised me. To be independent. 

Ive learnt at a very young age that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself and it’s just as well because looking back on my life all the so called “friends” and “guys” I’ve had, not one of them had my back the way I had theirs. 
Looking at relationships with guys ( slim Pickens) not one of them had my best interest at heart. Sure they might talk the talk but their actions told me otherwise. Which is usually the main reason why I cut them out of my life so swiftly. They may have acted like they had my back but in reality they lied and cheated to suit their needs because at the end of the day that’s what it’s about. Catering to themselves. 

Today Is just one of those days where I reached breaking point! It’s the audacity of it all, why must I cater to your needs, your wants and desires. Who the fuck is there for me when I’m sad, when I’m in need of something? Who’s checking to see if I’m ok, to see how my life is going.. no one. This is a tit for tat world because at the end of the day you can’t keep giving to someone, draining your time and energy and not receive anything back. 
Right now I’m at a place where I’m really trying to get my shit together, to be happy with myself. I don’t need any bullshit coming my way. To be honest I just want to be left alone. Room to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating from people’s “fakeness”. My birthday is in 8 days.. perhaps a change in the way I handle myself is needed. Maybe I need to have a little more bitch in me because being nice to everyone gets me in the position of being used. 

Don’t worry about what I’m doing! 

  

It’s so astonishing to me the way people find it a priority to know the ins and outs of other people’s lives but are not willing to share anything of theirs. Why is that ok? Who gave you superiority privilege to be all up in my business wanting to know what I’m doing, where I’m going and who I’m seeing but yet I barely know anything that goes on in your life. Maybe I’m just wired up differently but the way I see it, I am a grown ass woman and although I have girlfriends I am close with, I believe I am grown enough to not have to share every aspect of my life. The reason why I don’t know every aspect of people’s lives is because it is none of my damn business. If you don’t share your business with me, I don’t ask questions because clearly it is something I don’t need to know. It’s not my place to know. I am not your mother therefore you’re grown enough to do as you please and share information as you see fit. That’s the way I see it. As a little girl you share every aspect of your life with your friends but when you’re an adult it’s not necessary. Not everyone is wishing you well, people have hidden agendas and I’m all for having positive energy surrounding me. It is not fair to do as you please with whoever, not share information but then you integrate your friends for their business. It does not work like that. Not for me anyway. If I want to share my business with a friend about my life, only then I will do so. 

My 8 WEEK ABSENCE…

Isla Saona (private island)

Isla Saona (private island)

Chilling on the beach

Chilling on the beach

Me & Remi.B relaxing outside the spa

Me & Remi.B relaxing outside the spa

Celebrating 4th of July

Celebrating 4th of July

On our way to the private island

On our way to the private island

Relaxing under the palm tree

Relaxing under the palm tree

Was due to the preparation of my trip to the Dominican, being in the Dominican and recovering from the Dominican. I know that is an excuse but when you have experienced a breath taking vacation like I have, getting over the holiday blues takes a lot of socializing and keeping on the go. Firstly my trip to the Dominican Republic was nothing short of amazing! It was everything I was told it was going to be and it was everything I wanted it to be. I went with my co’ d Miss Remi.B and we stayed at the Royalton Casino & Spa in Punta Cana for 14 nights. I believe my trip was even more amazing because of the company I had. One thing you need to know is my friendship with Remi is unique and always stays fresh. We share the same likes, dislikes and open-mindedness. She is always down for a good time and is open to experience new things that said we did amazing things on the island. We went Parasailing over the crystal blue sea, snorkeling, boat party, beach parties and visiting an incredible private island. The Dominicans are beautiful people, always down to have a good time and was very attentive to our needs. I will definitely be going back to DR soon. ☺