relationships

Heartbreak Hotel

So through my limbo stages of not knowing where I stood in my relationship with my ex, my girls and I decided to go out to a bar to drown my sorrows and have a little two step. With complimentary drinks from the bars owner let’s just say that particular night got very messy which I hilariously captured on snapchat. Now I won’t upload the videos (way too embarrassing) but within the snap I kept calling myself “Heartbreak Hotel” so after showing my mum the next day of my antics you can imagine my reaction when she surprised me with this gift a week later. Loool

I guess even when your in pain, you have to keep on pushing and find the funny side of the bullshit… thanks Mum lol

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The Pain of Giving your heart to the wrong person

I know everyone goes through this at some point in their life, it’s looked at as the normal life lesson that one will always experience but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like hell.

I’m currently going through a heartbreak and it’s been one of the most devastating, emotionally and mentally draining experience of my life. Being the “late bloomer” out of all my friends, having not experienced multiple relationships throughout my teens and the best part of my 20’s I feel that now i am pushing 30 the lost of a relationship hurts more because of the fact that I am at the age where I want to progress; settle down and move forward to becoming a wife and a mother.

Being in a relationship with someone who is battling with their own demons can take a huge effect to the relationship and no matter how hard you fight to save the relationship and help your partner, until they are willing to help themselves you are basically flogging a dead horse.

My break up with my boyfriend was very recent so the wounds are still very much raw. Its more so heartbreaking because the destruction of my relationship was not something that happened gradually. It was literally an over night situation.

I was completely blindsided and confused as to why and how he went from telling me he loved me one day to complete isolation and no communication. After 3 and half weeks trying EVERYTHING to get this man who I thought loved me to communicate with me, I realised that I had to let go for my own sanity.

I feel at this point I’m in mourning for the relationship I thought I had, for the man I thought loved me and for the fact that I am now left all alone.

Trying to keep yourself busy when ALL your friends are in loving relationships can be deflating. And although I am so happy for my friends it cuts a little deeper when they share progressive moments in their relationships such as babies and engagements. I literally can’t keep my ass still. Nothing I’m doing is satisfying. I’m not content being with my own company because I became accustomed to spending so much time with my ex.

Let me just say that I was never this girl. I was always comfortable being on my own but right now the heartbreak is real.

I know all the cliché sayings “it wasn’t meant to be” “all in gods time” and all that other bullshit but as I sit here typing this I can’t help but feel bitter and sad towards the fact that this is actually happening to me. Like my question is why? I am a damn good woman and I did not deserve the mistreatment I received from a man I stood by and accepted all his flaws.

I know I deserve better. I know I deserve to be loved, adored and valued. But it doesn’t change the fact that now I have to start all over again and have faith that someone new won’t treat me the same way my ex did. I have to find the strength within myself to believe that there is actually a good man out there for me but for now I will sit here in my heartbreak and sip my wine.

Understanding Each Other’s Traits 

When you meet someone new in your life getting to know that individual is a learning experience. An attraction is initially there to begin with for you to want to get to know them in the first place but the more you get to know them, the more is revealed… the good, the bad and the ugly. When you first meet someone it’s almost as if it’s a whirl wind fairytale. You’re excited to be around them, you’re excited to understand what makes them this new bright light in your life. I like to call this the “honeymoon period”. Whether its a new platonic relationship or your actually dating, everyone is still at the “I want to impress you” stage not really letting their guard down exposing who they truly are. 
After you have established your position within this new friendship/relationship and you become comfortable in this position that is when guards start to come down and new traits start to show. 

The issues that start to arise is you realise that the sugar coated persona you once knew is not an everyday thing. I understand we can’t always be happy go lucky and thoughtful all the time but my issue right now is getting used to the new traits that wasn’t exposed before. 

Im a laid back kind of girl, my persona is warm and inviting. I have some what of patience of a saint so when someone I’m interacting with is very vocal and harshly blunt, it takes me back and I can’t lie it also rubs me up the wrong way. 

Maybe I’m too soft and I need to “man up” and be a little tougher. But why should I have to change who I am to accommodate someone new in my life?. Surly my persona is what attracted this person to my life in the first place. Perhaps it’s a learning phase. An opportunity to learn each other’s differences and grow from it. But at what expense? I’m not prepared to feel indifferent and uncomfortable just so the other person doesn’t. Surely it’s about comprising and understand the dos and don’ts…. hmmm TBC

My First Feature On A Podcast Show!

 

Yesterday I was invited to radio presenter Mr Voltaire podcast show! The show took place at Westside Radio 89.6fm studios where myself,  4 opinionated ladies and 1 man (Mr Voltaire) spoke about real, hard hitting topics such as love, friendships, relationships and family dynamics! I had so much fun and I look forward to taking part again very soon!

Have a listen! 

Link: Mr Voltaire Pod Cast Show 30

Table for ONE please 

  
Being a single woman means that you have some form of tolerance being on your own and enjoying your own company. Out of all my friends I am now the only single one left which really has become apparent to me in the last 2 months. The dynamics of friendships have changed/ altered and although I am used to living the single lifestyle, calling up girlfriends to accompany me for drinks or a meal is not as easy as it used to be. Yesterday I was tired and hungry and all I craved for was prawn linguine so instead of fighting my cravings and staying wrapped up in bed hungry and miserable, I decided to doll myself up and cater to my own needs. Dinning alone can’t be that bad can it? Well yesterday I decided to shake off the fear of eating alone in public and go for it. 

Entering the restaurant wasn’t a problem, I was greeted with smiles and warm hellos but as soon as the words “table for one” exited out of my mouth the sympathetic looks from the female hostess immediately made me realise Shit, I’m really about to sit in this intimate Italian restaurant and eat alone. I encountered a few stares from females dining with their other halves and smiles from men dining with friends but my overall experience was… Pleasant. Surprisingly I enjoyed my meal, I enjoyed having time to myself, time to think and reflect on things. Will I do it again? Most likely. Why should I just sit at home alone missing out on things I want. This is not necessarily how I planned or want my life to be, but I’m used to catering to my own needs so taking myself out alone should not be an issue…. I guess 

The Young Ones Are The Brave Ones 

  
 They’re most definitely are! Lately, everyday I’ve been getting approached by younger guys and I’m not talking by 1-2 years I’m talking about a good 6-7 years younger than I am. As humbling and flattering it is for the recognition of my beauty, at 27 years old I just can’t see past hello when 20 year olds are talking to me. This is no shade to their character or potential capabilities of being a great boyfriend but at the youngish age of 27 I can’t expect a 20 year old to fulfil my requirements on what I expect my man to be. I mean why should they!?! At 20 years old the last thing on my mind was having babies and marriage. I was happy being young and free, enjoying life with friends and studying at university. It just wouldn’t work, it would be selfish of myself to expect a 20 year old to settle down. 

Everyday I’m getting reached out by younger guys thinking that I am the same age as them. Once I have confirmed my actual age, they’ve actually given me a full blown personal statement on why I should give them my number, and why age ain’t nothing but a number. But at this age unfortunately it is more than just a number. It’s about vision, life goals, wants, desires and experience. At 20/21 you’re just stepping into the full legal world of adulthood, I wouldn’t want to strip away the “getting to know who I am” stage from anyone especially from a boy learning and growing to be a man.
But saying all of this I have to give credit where it’s due. These younger guys have balls of steel for seeing what they want and going for it. They have so much charm, humour and charisma… More than I can say for the men my age group and above. 

Where are they!?! Like seriously, I haven’t been approached by a man my age or older in so long. Are they all taken? Or are they just focused on building their professional life that they have no time to worry about women? I am all for the last point mentioned, building and working hard for a brighter future but damn! Can a girl get someone in her age group!? Lol
I just don’t want to invest my time in someone younger, and be left disappointed because they have come to realise they’re not ready for the level of commitment I require. 
Time is of the essence, at this age I know what I want so settling for company and sex is just not an option for me.

Does Being A Good Woman Hold You Back?


I saw this meme on Instagram the other day and as funny as it was at first glance, I couldn’t help feeling like I could relate to it . If you have read my previous post about the type of woman I pride myself to be, you would understand why at 27 I would be feeling some type of way. There’s so many things I can discuss in relation to why good girls get left behind but the overall  feeling I have is that being a good girl has got me no where. Keeping my legs closed, staying focus on what I want seems to not work in my favour. Don’t get me twisted I’m not a Virgin Mary waiting for my knight and shining armour but overall I feel My generation is messed up. We are a new generation where we aim higher than belonging to someone. We have aspirations to be successful in our own right first. Whether it’s to be an Insta famous celeb/ groupie or we have gone to university to better ourselves to get a career of our dreams. I feel that within my generation in particular people no longer NEED each other. It’s more whether we WANT that particular person to partake in our lives. Everyone is so independent and can look after themselves in every way, financially and domestically. It’s not like how it was when our grandparents were young where women needed a man to provide for them, bring home the bacon and a man needed a woman to cook and clean etc. In 2015 the average man is not only financially independent but also he can come home, iron his shirt for work the next morning and cook and clean. Don’t get me started on the boss ladies out there killing the game with their CEO status, finally surpassing men financially. It’s an accomplishment and progression I am 100% proud of, but what happens to when a good woman comes home from work and needs her mind, body and spirit taken care of? Not just looking at myself but also women in my circle/ surroundings who are good women with morals and standards, why are they still single? It’s becoming far too frequent that women with substance are being left on the sideline and these “Insta famous” girls who are known for dipping in and out of relationships repetitively are being claimed and treated like royalty. I had a conversation with a man today about this meme who shared his views. He told me the problem with good girls are men are scared to mess them around so they lose interest once they have figured out what type of woman she is. What I find hard to digest is  if this bullshit excuse is true, surely this would be one of the fundamental reasons to have this kind of woman in a mans live. A good girl with morals is an investment, a “bad bitch” is an expense. The guy went on to tell me that if a good girl was a bit naughty she might catch the eye of a good guy that wants to hold on to her. This is where I started to roll my eyes. What do you mean a bit naughty? If you’re talking about sex I’m going to keep it very real and say every woman loves it. Everyone has a freaky side but it just takes the right partner to bring that side out of you. Who’s to say a good woman with morals can’t and won’t be a freak in the bedroom? But in order for that side to be exposed, I feel you have to lay some foundation and get to know the person on a deeper level. Make her feel like she is the only one you want and think of. I know when it comes to myself I like to get to know a man, have conversations and get a feel of where his mind is at. At the end of the day both parties want sex but mental stimulation is a must. I know it is for me anyway. I’m not saying this would take 90 days like Steve Harvey “think like a man” had suggested, I’m just saying consistency and effort goes a long way. Shit if the vibe and attraction is mutual who’s to say intimacy wouldn’t come within a short time frame. It’s just a sad situation that pussy is a dime a dozen and investing time whether it is small or long Is something that is looked at as  energy draining.

The men who are “wifin” the hoes, the women that lack of substance don’t seem to require depth and mental stimulation from their partner. Instead I find men are focusing on the exterior side of how sexy she looks in her Instagram posts and how many men are envious of the fact she is now claimed. Eventually when the relationship starts to fall a part, the notion of what woman should stand for remains clouded and the bullshit just continues in this  vicious cycle. But hey this is just my opinion.