Life

Heartbreak Hotel

So through my limbo stages of not knowing where I stood in my relationship with my ex, my girls and I decided to go out to a bar to drown my sorrows and have a little two step. With complimentary drinks from the bar owner let’s just say that particular night got very messy which I hilariously captured on snapchat. Now I won’t upload the videos (way too embarrassing) but within the snap I kept calling myself “Heartbreak Hotel” so after showing my mum the next day of my antics you can imagine my reaction when she surprised me with this gift a week later. Loool

I guess even when you’re in pain you have to keep on pushing and find the funny side of the bullshit… thanks Mum lol

The Pain of Giving your heart to the wrong person

I know everyone goes through this at some point in their life, it’s looked at as the normal life lesson that one will always experience but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like hell.

I’m currently going through a heartbreak and it’s been one of the most devastating, emotionally and mentally draining experience of my life. Being the “late bloomer” out of all my friends, having not experienced multiple relationships throughout my teens and the best part of my 20’s I feel that now i am pushing 30 the lost of a relationship hurts more because of the fact that I am at the age where I want to progress; settle down and move forward to becoming a wife and a mother.

Being in a relationship with someone who is battling with their own demons can take a huge effect on the relationship and no matter how hard you fight to save the relationship and try help your partner, until they are willing to help themselves you are basically flogging a dead horse.

My break up with my boyfriend was very recent so the wounds are still very much raw. Its more so heartbreaking because the destruction of my relationship was not something that happened gradually. It was literally an over night situation.

I was completely blindsided and confused as to why and how he went from telling me he loved me one day to complete isolation and no communication. After 3 and half weeks trying EVERYTHING to get this man who I thought loved me to communicate with me, I realised that I had to let go for my own sanity.

I feel at this point I’m in mourning for the relationship I thought I had, for the man I thought loved me and for the fact that I am now left all alone.

Trying to keep yourself busy when ALL your friends are in loving relationships can be deflating. And although I am so happy for my friends it cuts a little deeper when they share progressive moments in their relationships such as babies and engagements. I literally can’t keep my ass still. Nothing I’m doing is satisfying. I’m not content being with my own company because I became accustomed to spending so much time with my ex.

Let me just say that I was never this girl. I was always comfortable being on my own but right now the heartbreak is real.

I know all the cliché sayings “it wasn’t meant to be” “all in gods time” and all that other bullshit but as I sit here typing this I can’t help but feel bitter and sad towards the fact that this is actually happening to me. Like my question is why? I am a damn good woman and I did not deserve the mistreatment I received from a man I stood by and accepted all his flaws.

I know I deserve better. I know I deserve to be loved, adored and valued. But it doesn’t change the fact that now I have to start all over again and have faith that someone new won’t treat me the same way my ex did. I have to find the strength within myself to believe that there is actually a good man out there for me but for now I will sit here in my heartbreak and sip my wine.

Feeling sorry for myself!


I have exactly 2 months and 4 days until I turn a year older and I’m telling you now I’m not looking forward to it. It’s not that I dislike birthdays, it’s the fact that I’m getting older and still very much in limbo. In the last year I’ve moved on from what I thought was going to be my dream job, I’ve ended an on and off bullshit situationship and most recently (today) I have torn ligaments in my left leg. It’s just a series of bullshit things that hasnt gone right and I know all the uplifting sayings “good things come to those who wait” “all in gods plan”. But damn can’t I get one thing right. I am a planner, I planned how I wanted my life to be from a young age and the only thing that has gone according to this plan is graduating from university. Everything else is up in the air. I feel like everyone is moving forward and I’m stuck on rewind and pause. All my girlfriends are in relationships, I’m literally feeling like the only single woman left in the village. When will things fall into place for me?!

Turning older and the fear of being on my own has got me well and truly fucked up. I thought I’d at least be engaged and have a baby by now. I’m sure most will think it can’t be hard to find a guy and have a baby and you’re absolutely right. But to find a man you connect with, share the same views on life, someone who sparks your soul.. That shit right there is rare. I’m all in for building a life and making life long memories with someone. What I’m not about is being in a volatile relationship that breaks down leaving me being labelled as someone’s “baby mother”. 

This might come across as a moany post but quite frankly I don’t give a shit. Every now and then I reflect and get vex about my situation and need to vent. I’m sure I can’t be the only woman who feels like this.

I’m trying to keep faith because doubting and negative thinking blocks blessings. I just need some indication that something will work out for me. Xo

Public Transport Horror

Last Sunday I finally sold my car as I’ve purchased my new baby ( super excited) and I’m waiting for it to be delivered.. Now this all sounds fine and dandy BUT the downside to this is the fact that my car won’t be in my possession till July/August time! Which means I am reliant on foot, bus & train. Now normally ( when I had my car) I don’t mind taking the odd train to the city on a night out or a day venture but what I absolutely hate is taking the bus! I can’t bare it, always have always will. It’s the crowdedness and uncleanliness that urks my soul. People sneezing, not covering their flemy coughs oh and don’t let me start on the smells. I will NEVER understand how one can smell so bad first thing in the morning. Travelling on the bus everyday gives me confirmation that many people know NOTHING about personal hygiene. Every minute I’m squeezing anti bacterial gel and holding my breath and it’s only week one! This may come across being melodramatic BUT I am someone who’s driven since the age of 18 that’s 9 years old personal clean space and convenience. Anyway today I was so disgusted by the smells that invaded my nostrils that I decided to take some pics! Lol xo 

Table for ONE please 

  
Being a single woman means that you have some form of tolerance being on your own and enjoying your own company. Out of all my friends I am now the only single one left which really has become apparent to me in the last 2 months. The dynamics of friendships have changed/ altered and although I am used to living the single lifestyle, calling up girlfriends to accompany me for drinks or a meal is not as easy as it used to be. Yesterday I was tired and hungry and all I craved for was prawn linguine so instead of fighting my cravings and staying wrapped up in bed hungry and miserable, I decided to doll myself up and cater to my own needs. Dinning alone can’t be that bad can it? Well yesterday I decided to shake off the fear of eating alone in public and go for it. 

Entering the restaurant wasn’t a problem, I was greeted with smiles and warm hellos but as soon as the words “table for one” exited out of my mouth the sympathetic looks from the female hostess immediately made me realise Shit, I’m really about to sit in this intimate Italian restaurant and eat alone. I encountered a few stares from females dining with their other halves and smiles from men dining with friends but my overall experience was… Pleasant. Surprisingly I enjoyed my meal, I enjoyed having time to myself, time to think and reflect on things. Will I do it again? Most likely. Why should I just sit at home alone missing out on things I want. This is not necessarily how I planned or want my life to be, but I’m used to catering to my own needs so taking myself out alone should not be an issue…. I guess 

Don’t worry about what I’m doing! 

  

It’s so astonishing to me the way people find it a priority to know the ins and outs of other people’s lives but are not willing to share anything of theirs. Why is that ok? Who gave you superiority privilege to be all up in my business wanting to know what I’m doing, where I’m going and who I’m seeing but yet I barely know anything that goes on in your life. Maybe I’m just wired up differently but the way I see it, I am a grown ass woman and although I have girlfriends I am close with, I believe I am grown enough to not have to share every aspect of my life. The reason why I don’t know every aspect of people’s lives is because it is none of my damn business. If you don’t share your business with me, I don’t ask questions because clearly it is something I don’t need to know. It’s not my place to know. I am not your mother therefore you’re grown enough to do as you please and share information as you see fit. That’s the way I see it. As a little girl you share every aspect of your life with your friends but when you’re an adult it’s not necessary. Not everyone is wishing you well, people have hidden agendas and I’m all for having positive energy surrounding me. It is not fair to do as you please with whoever, not share information but then you integrate your friends for their business. It does not work like that. Not for me anyway. If I want to share my business with a friend about my life, only then I will do so. 

The Young Ones Are The Brave Ones 

  
 They’re most definitely are! Lately, everyday I’ve been getting approached by younger guys and I’m not talking by 1-2 years I’m talking about a good 6-7 years younger than I am. As humbling and flattering it is for the recognition of my beauty, at 27 years old I just can’t see past hello when 20 year olds are talking to me. This is no shade to their character or potential capabilities of being a great boyfriend but at the youngish age of 27 I can’t expect a 20 year old to fulfil my requirements on what I expect my man to be. I mean why should they!?! At 20 years old the last thing on my mind was having babies and marriage. I was happy being young and free, enjoying life with friends and studying at university. It just wouldn’t work, it would be selfish of myself to expect a 20 year old to settle down. 

Everyday I’m getting reached out by younger guys thinking that I am the same age as them. Once I have confirmed my actual age, they’ve actually given me a full blown personal statement on why I should give them my number, and why age ain’t nothing but a number. But at this age unfortunately it is more than just a number. It’s about vision, life goals, wants, desires and experience. At 20/21 you’re just stepping into the full legal world of adulthood, I wouldn’t want to strip away the “getting to know who I am” stage from anyone especially from a boy learning and growing to be a man.
But saying all of this I have to give credit where it’s due. These younger guys have balls of steel for seeing what they want and going for it. They have so much charm, humour and charisma… More than I can say for the men my age group and above. 

Where are they!?! Like seriously, I haven’t been approached by a man my age or older in so long. Are they all taken? Or are they just focused on building their professional life that they have no time to worry about women? I am all for the last point mentioned, building and working hard for a brighter future but damn! Can a girl get someone in her age group!? Lol
I just don’t want to invest my time in someone younger, and be left disappointed because they have come to realise they’re not ready for the level of commitment I require. 
Time is of the essence, at this age I know what I want so settling for company and sex is just not an option for me.

Pushing Positivity 

So about two weeks ago my friend posted that he was participating in an event for a great charity. After checking what the event was about I immediately wanted to be a part of such a great cause! So on November 12th not just myself but my lovely team members above (called the GameChangers) will be taking part in the sleep out event for Centrepoint charity.

This means we will be spending the night on the street from 7pm-7am experiencing what thousands of homeless young people experience every night.

If you’re wondering why? There are young people running away from home for many reasons. Some are experiencing different types of abuse within their household, some are being kicked out by their troubled parents who have drug addictions, escaping street crime, mental health issues etc so the only option for them is to run away to escape but sadly they’re ending up on the streets.

CentrePoint homeless charity has a much broader approach to tackling youth homelessness. They look at the root causes of homelessness and ensure that everything they do makes a real and lasting difference to young people – whether that’s helping them to find a home, supporting them into education, teaching them basic life skills or ensuring they have the opportunity to find work.

Ive been wanting to give back to those less fortunate than myself for sometime. I know I have complained about some issues I face in my life, but understand that I am fully aware how blessed I am to have supportive family, friends and a roof over my head! Many are not as fortunate to have things we take for granted everyday!

I will be documenting my experience on the 12th of November but before that day arrives I need to raise a minimum of £350. It would be so amazing if you can please help by sponsoring myself and my team to raise money to get these young people off the streets and get the help they need via CentrePoint. Please share/ spread the word! ✌🏾️ All donations are gratefully received no matter how big or small

Sponsor Link:

sleepout2015londonotb.everydayhero.com/uk/jade
Thank you so much! Much Love 😘😘

❤️💛💚

Does Being A Good Woman Hold You Back?


I saw this meme on Instagram the other day and as funny as it was at first glance, I couldn’t help feeling like I could relate to it . If you have read my previous post about the type of woman I pride myself to be, you would understand why at 27 I would be feeling some type of way. There’s so many things I can discuss in relation to why good girls get left behind but the overall  feeling I have is that being a good girl has got me no where. Keeping my legs closed, staying focus on what I want seems to not work in my favour. Don’t get me twisted I’m not a Virgin Mary waiting for my knight and shining armour but overall I feel My generation is messed up. We are a new generation where we aim higher than belonging to someone. We have aspirations to be successful in our own right first. Whether it’s to be an Insta famous celeb/ groupie or we have gone to university to better ourselves to get a career of our dreams. I feel that within my generation in particular people no longer NEED each other. It’s more whether we WANT that particular person to partake in our lives. Everyone is so independent and can look after themselves in every way, financially and domestically. It’s not like how it was when our grandparents were young where women needed a man to provide for them, bring home the bacon and a man needed a woman to cook and clean etc. In 2015 the average man is not only financially independent but also he can come home, iron his shirt for work the next morning and cook and clean. Don’t get me started on the boss ladies out there killing the game with their CEO status, finally surpassing men financially. It’s an accomplishment and progression I am 100% proud of, but what happens to when a good woman comes home from work and needs her mind, body and spirit taken care of? Not just looking at myself but also women in my circle/ surroundings who are good women with morals and standards, why are they still single? It’s becoming far too frequent that women with substance are being left on the sideline and these “Insta famous” girls who are known for dipping in and out of relationships repetitively are being claimed and treated like royalty. I had a conversation with a man today about this meme who shared his views. He told me the problem with good girls are men are scared to mess them around so they lose interest once they have figured out what type of woman she is. What I find hard to digest is  if this bullshit excuse is true, surely this would be one of the fundamental reasons to have this kind of woman in a mans live. A good girl with morals is an investment, a “bad bitch” is an expense. The guy went on to tell me that if a good girl was a bit naughty she might catch the eye of a good guy that wants to hold on to her. This is where I started to roll my eyes. What do you mean a bit naughty? If you’re talking about sex I’m going to keep it very real and say every woman loves it. Everyone has a freaky side but it just takes the right partner to bring that side out of you. Who’s to say a good woman with morals can’t and won’t be a freak in the bedroom? But in order for that side to be exposed, I feel you have to lay some foundation and get to know the person on a deeper level. Make her feel like she is the only one you want and think of. I know when it comes to myself I like to get to know a man, have conversations and get a feel of where his mind is at. At the end of the day both parties want sex but mental stimulation is a must. I know it is for me anyway. I’m not saying this would take 90 days like Steve Harvey “think like a man” had suggested, I’m just saying consistency and effort goes a long way. Shit if the vibe and attraction is mutual who’s to say intimacy wouldn’t come within a short time frame. It’s just a sad situation that pussy is a dime a dozen and investing time whether it is small or long Is something that is looked at as  energy draining.

The men who are “wifin” the hoes, the women that lack of substance don’t seem to require depth and mental stimulation from their partner. Instead I find men are focusing on the exterior side of how sexy she looks in her Instagram posts and how many men are envious of the fact she is now claimed. Eventually when the relationship starts to fall a part, the notion of what woman should stand for remains clouded and the bullshit just continues in this  vicious cycle. But hey this is just my opinion.

Love, Peace & Happiness… Does It Exist?

I’ve been asking myself this question all day. I feel that my whole life all i’ve ever wanted was the simple things, the 3 simple words I feel is needed in not just my life but everything that has a beating heart. What does one have to do to receive these important elements? Is it the power of prayer? because for as far as i can remember I have been praying to God, asking him to pull me into his warm embrace and rescue me from my over thinking and sad heart. I feel when you know who you are as a person, when you know the purity of your heart, God will also know and shower you with blessings – Love, Peace and Happiness.

At the age of 26 I feel sorry and disheartened that I still have not found the 3 elements to feel at one with myself. My birthday is fast approaching and a new chapter of my life will start and this no longer excites me, in fact it damn right scares me shitless.  I feel I am a good person with a clean heart but yet I feel like I am damaged goods. Sad isn’t it?! to feel like you are a good person but at the same time you’re so damaged you feel like love, peace and happiness will never come your way. It is as if I’m trapped in a glass jar suffocating, I see myself through the glass with all the potential and all the blessings I could have but this life just seems so unreachable.

On the outside looking in my life to friends, family seems so exciting, well put together but the reality is I am damaged. So damaged that I have mastered the art of the ‘poker face’. If you was to meet me I am described by my friends bubbly, funny and always smiling, but my smiling is a way to cover up my pain. Every time I try to uplift myself or say “life is too short to be unhappy” or “Speak things into existence and you shall receive” reality always has a fucked up way of killing my high. I have always wanted better for myself, to do better and I have tried, lord knows I have, so much so that I’m beginning to feel like this is all my life will come to, a smiling face and a sad heart. I don’t know when my Love, Peace & Happiness will come into play but God knows Iv’e been constantly battling and trying to make my own peace and happiness. I just need a sign, something to tell me things will fall into place and get better.