I’ve been asking myself this question all day. I feel that my whole life all i’ve ever wanted was the simple things, the 3 simple words I feel is needed in not just my life but everything that has a beating heart. What does one have to do to receive these important elements? Is it the power of prayer? because for as far as i can remember I have been praying to God, asking him to pull me into his warm embrace and rescue me from my over thinking and sad heart. I feel when you know who you are as a person, when you know the purity of your heart, God will also know and shower you with blessings – Love, Peace and Happiness.
At the age of 26 I feel sorry and disheartened that I still have not found the 3 elements to feel at one with myself. My birthday is fast approaching and a new chapter of my life will start and this no longer excites me, in fact it damn right scares me shitless. I feel I am a good person with a clean heart but yet I feel like I am damaged goods. Sad isn’t it?! to feel like you are a good person but at the same time you’re so damaged you feel like love, peace and happiness will never come your way. It is as if I’m trapped in a glass jar suffocating, I see myself through the glass with all the potential and all the blessings I could have but this life just seems so unreachable.
On the outside looking in my life to friends, family seems so exciting, well put together but the reality is I am damaged. So damaged that I have mastered the art of the ‘poker face’. If you was to meet me I am described by my friends bubbly, funny and always smiling, but my smiling is a way to cover up my pain. Every time I try to uplift myself or say “life is too short to be unhappy” or “Speak things into existence and you shall receive” reality always has a fucked up way of killing my high. I have always wanted better for myself, to do better and I have tried, lord knows I have, so much so that I’m beginning to feel like this is all my life will come to, a smiling face and a sad heart. I don’t know when my Love, Peace & Happiness will come into play but God knows Iv’e been constantly battling and trying to make my own peace and happiness. I just need a sign, something to tell me things will fall into place and get better.