I Am So Fat!

  
This is something I tell myself everyday. I have struggled with my weight my entire life! I was always known as the chubby/ fat one in my family and I was very aware and negative about my appearance from a very young age. I can remember being in primary school and feeling different to my friends. I knew I stood out not only was I chubby but I was also tall for my age. My dad used to tell me growing up “don’t worry about your body, it’s just baby fat, it will fall right off when you’re a teenager” I then hit my teens and my fat turned from baby to a grown ass adult. I was depressed about my weight which lead me to comfort eat and gain more weight. When I reached 20 years old I decided time for a change and I went on a strict diet plan of powdered shakes, soups and porridge. The taste of these packets were so disgusting that after a short while I couldn’t stomach them and resulted to just starving myself for 13 weeks. After I came to an end of my “starving programme”, I lost shit loads of weight – 4 stones to be exact and still I wasn’t happy with my body. Even though people and family told me I looked “too skinny” or “great” I still felt like I should lose more. 6 years later and I’m still struggling to lose weight and feel happy about my appearance. Although I’ve never gone back to my heaviest weight I still have been up and down on the scales between 1-2 stones. Today I was looking at all my body pics I have taken of myself on my phone ( I have a tonne) and realised that I actually didn’t look as bad as I felt at the time. I actually looked better than I do now ( see I’m still being negative) but within these pictures I hated my body, I felt fat and very negative towards myself. I’ve always known that I am my own worst enemy and I have a really bad negative attitude towards my body but today I got a wake up call. I realised that my body wasn’t that bad then and perhaps it isn’t that bad now. Calling myself FAT everyday is not the positive energy I’m trying to radiate in my life and I need to start placing myself in high regard. Yes my body isn’t the way I want it to be but you know what, I’m currently doing something about it. I’m eating healthy, i’m working my ass off in the gym so God willing I will see the results I want in due time. 

I read that speaking negative about yourself consequently leads to a snowball effect of failure leading to poor choices and regrets. I no longer want to make poor choices and have any regrets so from now on I will try really really hard not to use the word FAT. I’m going start showering myself with compliments and encouraging words. Maybe my negative attitude is my downfall, my reason for the lack of progression! Just to make sure I have my shit in order I have also told my friends they have full permission to slap me if the words happen to slip out my mouth. 🙂 

My First Feature On A Podcast Show!

 

Yesterday I was invited to radio presenter Mr Voltaire podcast show! The show took place at Westside Radio 89.6fm studios where myself,  4 opinionated ladies and 1 man (Mr Voltaire) spoke about real, hard hitting topics such as love, friendships, relationships and family dynamics! I had so much fun and I look forward to taking part again very soon!

Have a listen! 

Link: Mr Voltaire Pod Cast Show 30

Nutty About Buddah

  
Having recently moved house I am currently in the process of furnishing my bedroom. I have chosen to stick with a neutral colour scheme (white, black, silver and grey) so I’ve  been shopping around for items within this scheme.  I am obsessed with Buddah heads so when I saw these beauties I just had to take them both home. 

If you’re lucky you can find these items at TKMAX for a bargain price of ÂŁ7.99 each!
 

Thick Thighs Might Save Lives BUT They’re Killing My Jeans 

  

  I’m sure every woman with thick thighs can relate! Jeans always seem to have a 12 month expiration date with me due to my robust thunder thighs. Today I have had to say farewell to my favourite ripped jeans and I can’t help but feel a little sad. You would think I would be accustomed to short term relationships with my bottom garments but these jeans hold memories of a great social year . Last year I had one of the best Spring/summers and now this hole represents an official closing to that chapter. 

Oh well time to buy some new ripped jeans I think! Xo

10 Weeks Till Summer… Apparently 

  

  
I saw a personal trainer post a count down till summer clock on Instagram yesterday and it really made me clinch my imaginary pearls. I mean what do you mean there’s 10 weeks till summer!?! I can’t believe how fast the days are flying by and I have still not made any progress with my body. My battle with my body is still on going ( mentioned about my body issues in previous posts) and Im annoyed with myself that a change is yet to come lol. With that said I’ve started my health kick on Monday, no junk food and back killing myself in the gym. It is day 4 and all I want is a fat slice of cake but the body pain I am currently experiencing is letting me know I must be doing something right in the gym and I don’t want my pain to be all in vain.

I told myself that 2016 is going to be about positive changes so with that said I am going to try document my progress throughout and stick to my plan. NO Junk and LOTS of exercise. 
I will keep you posted.. Stay tuned! 🙂 

Table for ONE please 

  
Being a single woman means that you have some form of tolerance being on your own and enjoying your own company. Out of all my friends I am now the only single one left which really has become apparent to me in the last 2 months. The dynamics of friendships have changed/ altered and although I am used to living the single lifestyle, calling up girlfriends to accompany me for drinks or a meal is not as easy as it used to be. Yesterday I was tired and hungry and all I craved for was prawn linguine so instead of fighting my cravings and staying wrapped up in bed hungry and miserable, I decided to doll myself up and cater to my own needs. Dinning alone can’t be that bad can it? Well yesterday I decided to shake off the fear of eating alone in public and go for it. 

Entering the restaurant wasn’t a problem, I was greeted with smiles and warm hellos but as soon as the words “table for one” exited out of my mouth the sympathetic looks from the female hostess immediately made me realise Shit, I’m really about to sit in this intimate Italian restaurant and eat alone. I encountered a few stares from females dining with their other halves and smiles from men dining with friends but my overall experience was… Pleasant. Surprisingly I enjoyed my meal, I enjoyed having time to myself, time to think and reflect on things. Will I do it again? Most likely. Why should I just sit at home alone missing out on things I want. This is not necessarily how I planned or want my life to be, but I’m used to catering to my own needs so taking myself out alone should not be an issue…. I guess 

New Lipglam Alert!

  
Ive been looking for a matte lipstick for a while now as previous ones I have tried often crumbles on my lips after an hour or so. After browsing on Instagram one product that keeps appearing on my timeline is NYX cosmetics. They have a great following on Instagram and I’ve seen quite a few socialites promote their  product. They have an amazing variety of shades/ products not just for your lips but for every part of your gorgeous face! They also promote no animal testing which is great. NYX cosmetics is an American company and they unfortunately do not offer direct worldwide delivery ( I tried to buy a stack of things but it was way too complicated to get delivered) I did however discover that in the UK Selfridges, Boots, The Beauty Store, Asos and Very hold some of NYX cosmetics.

I have so far purchased NYX liquid suede cream lipstick and Lip lingerie which are amazing! It has a smooth matte finish and lasts at a good time length. I also purchased their Mirco brow pencil which is perfect to create the right tint for your face without being overpowering. 

I will definitely be purchasing some new products in the near future! 

Don’t worry about what I’m doing! 

  

It’s so astonishing to me the way people find it a priority to know the ins and outs of other people’s lives but are not willing to share anything of theirs. Why is that ok? Who gave you superiority privilege to be all up in my business wanting to know what I’m doing, where I’m going and who I’m seeing but yet I barely know anything that goes on in your life. Maybe I’m just wired up differently but the way I see it, I am a grown ass woman and although I have girlfriends I am close with, I believe I am grown enough to not have to share every aspect of my life. The reason why I don’t know every aspect of people’s lives is because it is none of my damn business. If you don’t share your business with me, I don’t ask questions because clearly it is something I don’t need to know. It’s not my place to know. I am not your mother therefore you’re grown enough to do as you please and share information as you see fit. That’s the way I see it. As a little girl you share every aspect of your life with your friends but when you’re an adult it’s not necessary. Not everyone is wishing you well, people have hidden agendas and I’m all for having positive energy surrounding me. It is not fair to do as you please with whoever, not share information but then you integrate your friends for their business. It does not work like that. Not for me anyway. If I want to share my business with a friend about my life, only then I will do so. 

The Young Ones Are The Brave Ones 

  
 They’re most definitely are! Lately, everyday I’ve been getting approached by younger guys and I’m not talking by 1-2 years I’m talking about a good 6-7 years younger than I am. As humbling and flattering it is for the recognition of my beauty, at 27 years old I just can’t see past hello when 20 year olds are talking to me. This is no shade to their character or potential capabilities of being a great boyfriend but at the youngish age of 27 I can’t expect a 20 year old to fulfil my requirements on what I expect my man to be. I mean why should they!?! At 20 years old the last thing on my mind was having babies and marriage. I was happy being young and free, enjoying life with friends and studying at university. It just wouldn’t work, it would be selfish of myself to expect a 20 year old to settle down. 

Everyday I’m getting reached out by younger guys thinking that I am the same age as them. Once I have confirmed my actual age, they’ve actually given me a full blown personal statement on why I should give them my number, and why age ain’t nothing but a number. But at this age unfortunately it is more than just a number. It’s about vision, life goals, wants, desires and experience. At 20/21 you’re just stepping into the full legal world of adulthood, I wouldn’t want to strip away the “getting to know who I am” stage from anyone especially from a boy learning and growing to be a man.
But saying all of this I have to give credit where it’s due. These younger guys have balls of steel for seeing what they want and going for it. They have so much charm, humour and charisma… More than I can say for the men my age group and above. 

Where are they!?! Like seriously, I haven’t been approached by a man my age or older in so long. Are they all taken? Or are they just focused on building their professional life that they have no time to worry about women? I am all for the last point mentioned, building and working hard for a brighter future but damn! Can a girl get someone in her age group!? Lol
I just don’t want to invest my time in someone younger, and be left disappointed because they have come to realise they’re not ready for the level of commitment I require. 
Time is of the essence, at this age I know what I want so settling for company and sex is just not an option for me.