thoughtsandfeelings

The Pain of Giving your heart to the wrong person

I know everyone goes through this at some point in their life, it’s looked at as the normal life lesson that one will always experience but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like hell.

I’m currently going through a heartbreak and it’s been one of the most devastating, emotionally and mentally draining experience of my life. Being the “late bloomer” out of all my friends, having not experienced multiple relationships throughout my teens and the best part of my 20’s I feel that now i am pushing 30 the lost of a relationship hurts more because of the fact that I am at the age where I want to progress; settle down and move forward to becoming a wife and a mother.

Being in a relationship with someone who is battling with their own demons can take a huge effect to the relationship and no matter how hard you fight to save the relationship and help your partner, until they are willing to help themselves you are basically flogging a dead horse.

My break up with my boyfriend was very recent so the wounds are still very much raw. Its more so heartbreaking because the destruction of my relationship was not something that happened gradually. It was literally an over night situation.

I was completely blindsided and confused as to why and how he went from telling me he loved me one day to complete isolation and no communication. After 3 and half weeks trying EVERYTHING to get this man who I thought loved me to communicate with me, I realised that I had to let go for my own sanity.

I feel at this point I’m in mourning for the relationship I thought I had, for the man I thought loved me and for the fact that I am now left all alone.

Trying to keep yourself busy when ALL your friends are in loving relationships can be deflating. And although I am so happy for my friends it cuts a little deeper when they share progressive moments in their relationships such as babies and engagements. I literally can’t keep my ass still. Nothing I’m doing is satisfying. I’m not content being with my own company because I became accustomed to spending so much time with my ex.

Let me just say that I was never this girl. I was always comfortable being on my own but right now the heartbreak is real.

I know all the cliché sayings “it wasn’t meant to be” “all in gods time” and all that other bullshit but as I sit here typing this I can’t help but feel bitter and sad towards the fact that this is actually happening to me. Like my question is why? I am a damn good woman and I did not deserve the mistreatment I received from a man I stood by and accepted all his flaws.

I know I deserve better. I know I deserve to be loved, adored and valued. But it doesn’t change the fact that now I have to start all over again and have faith that someone new won’t treat me the same way my ex did. I have to find the strength within myself to believe that there is actually a good man out there for me but for now I will sit here in my heartbreak and sip my wine.

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Ask, Believe and Receive 

I hate talking about my problems to people hence why I keep shit bottled in. I tend to only speak to myself and then end up completely overthinking and mind fucking myself.  I’ve  been trying to have a positive outlook on life. Everyday I give myself a pep talk of “the glass is half full” “everything happens for a reason” but life always has a way of trying me.

I’ve researched, stuck encouraging post-it notes on my mirrors, printed articles, bought books. Shit, I’ve even downloaded ‘The Law of Attraction’ and ‘The Secret Daily Teachings’ app to find words of encouragement. Most recently I’ve downloaded Joel Osteen ‘Word of Today’ app to uplift and motivate me with words of worship to God. I have done all of these things and my morale and my life doesn’t seem to be pushing forward positively.

The law of attraction is basically a state of mind philosophy, for one to free their mind from negativity and revel in the universal law of positive attraction. It’s all about having a positive mind set, think positive thoughts and those very thoughts will become a reality.

But my question is does this shit even work?!

If I keep speaking things into existence and having positive uplifting thoughts will I get what I want?

I’ve been ASKING for what I want, I BELIEVE I deserve and can obtain what I want so when will I RECEIVE what I want??

I need some guidance or a sign because right now I’m feeling so damn fed up and I hate being such a Debbie downer….church on Sunday perhaps? Xo

I’m The unknown

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Fear of the unknown is common in everyone, it’s only natural to want to avoid rejection and embarrassment but to what lengths are you willing to go for something you really want??
Social media is the main source of misconception of people’s lives. We live day-to-day, hours on end with our smart phones and tablets in our hands, constantly looking and searching for an insight into people’s lives whether it’s celebrities or the average ‘Joes’. Meeting new people whether it is on a platonic friendship level or dating has become hard to come by in person. Meeting Joe Blogs in Tescos is a thing of the past where now people rely on social media sites to make moves and get connected.
People upload photos of themselves living a life they want the world to see, to give an impression they want the world to have of them, but that’s when people misconstrue between what is their reality and the true character of that particular person. Funny enough I came across this picture on Instagram and I immediately laughed to myself as I am too guilty of thinking negatively about how one might see me. We constantly pose and add filters to our pictures creating a public image that we want to have at the time, not knowing that the outcome of this dark fantasy can actually leave a lasting impression on the spectator. You could be the most humble sweet funny guy/girl in the world but because your photos are stunningly attractive to someone, sadly a misconception of who you truly are is created. I’m constantly being told by people what kind of person they think I am and how my life plays out day to day because of the ideas they have created purely from my photos on Instagram. Mostly it’s guys telling me the fantastic social life I’m suppose to have, and all the countless dates and exciting ventures I participate when in reality I’m at home hair tied, chilling with my PJ’s on. I believe people place strangers on a pedal far too quickly without getting to know their true character. An idea of who they are is already set in stone without saying so much as a hello to them. This is when we feel that certain people are unapproachable/ unreachable and miss opportunities of gaining new friendships. I believe if we ignore the made up persona created on social media or through other people’s opinions, great opportunities may arise with these people we feel that are untouchable and friendships may last a life time. Confidence is key in any given situation especially making the first move with introducing yourself. You never know that particular person you have been dying to talk to for months might be feeling the same way about you. Take a deep breath and go for it, make the first move. If things don’t go according to plan dust yourself off and move on. If that person shows complete disregard towards you then that person clearly doesn’t deserve the fantastic person you are..always remember every rejection is gods way of protecting you 😉