men

Heartbreak Hotel

So through my limbo stages of not knowing where I stood in my relationship with my ex, my girls and I decided to go out to a bar to drown my sorrows and have a little two step. With complimentary drinks from the bars owner let’s just say that particular night got very messy which I hilariously captured on snapchat. Now I won’t upload the videos (way too embarrassing) but within the snap I kept calling myself “Heartbreak Hotel” so after showing my mum the next day of my antics you can imagine my reaction when she surprised me with this gift a week later. Loool

I guess even when your in pain, you have to keep on pushing and find the funny side of the bullshit… thanks Mum lol

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The Pain of Giving your heart to the wrong person

I know everyone goes through this at some point in their life, it’s looked at as the normal life lesson that one will always experience but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like hell.

I’m currently going through a heartbreak and it’s been one of the most devastating, emotionally and mentally draining experience of my life. Being the “late bloomer” out of all my friends, having not experienced multiple relationships throughout my teens and the best part of my 20’s I feel that now i am pushing 30 the lost of a relationship hurts more because of the fact that I am at the age where I want to progress; settle down and move forward to becoming a wife and a mother.

Being in a relationship with someone who is battling with their own demons can take a huge effect to the relationship and no matter how hard you fight to save the relationship and help your partner, until they are willing to help themselves you are basically flogging a dead horse.

My break up with my boyfriend was very recent so the wounds are still very much raw. Its more so heartbreaking because the destruction of my relationship was not something that happened gradually. It was literally an over night situation.

I was completely blindsided and confused as to why and how he went from telling me he loved me one day to complete isolation and no communication. After 3 and half weeks trying EVERYTHING to get this man who I thought loved me to communicate with me, I realised that I had to let go for my own sanity.

I feel at this point I’m in mourning for the relationship I thought I had, for the man I thought loved me and for the fact that I am now left all alone.

Trying to keep yourself busy when ALL your friends are in loving relationships can be deflating. And although I am so happy for my friends it cuts a little deeper when they share progressive moments in their relationships such as babies and engagements. I literally can’t keep my ass still. Nothing I’m doing is satisfying. I’m not content being with my own company because I became accustomed to spending so much time with my ex.

Let me just say that I was never this girl. I was always comfortable being on my own but right now the heartbreak is real.

I know all the cliché sayings “it wasn’t meant to be” “all in gods time” and all that other bullshit but as I sit here typing this I can’t help but feel bitter and sad towards the fact that this is actually happening to me. Like my question is why? I am a damn good woman and I did not deserve the mistreatment I received from a man I stood by and accepted all his flaws.

I know I deserve better. I know I deserve to be loved, adored and valued. But it doesn’t change the fact that now I have to start all over again and have faith that someone new won’t treat me the same way my ex did. I have to find the strength within myself to believe that there is actually a good man out there for me but for now I will sit here in my heartbreak and sip my wine.

Does Being A Good Woman Hold You Back?


I saw this meme on Instagram the other day and as funny as it was at first glance, I couldn’t help feeling like I could relate to it . If you have read my previous post about the type of woman I pride myself to be, you would understand why at 27 I would be feeling some type of way. There’s so many things I can discuss in relation to why good girls get left behind but the overall  feeling I have is that being a good girl has got me no where. Keeping my legs closed, staying focus on what I want seems to not work in my favour. Don’t get me twisted I’m not a Virgin Mary waiting for my knight and shining armour but overall I feel My generation is messed up. We are a new generation where we aim higher than belonging to someone. We have aspirations to be successful in our own right first. Whether it’s to be an Insta famous celeb/ groupie or we have gone to university to better ourselves to get a career of our dreams. I feel that within my generation in particular people no longer NEED each other. It’s more whether we WANT that particular person to partake in our lives. Everyone is so independent and can look after themselves in every way, financially and domestically. It’s not like how it was when our grandparents were young where women needed a man to provide for them, bring home the bacon and a man needed a woman to cook and clean etc. In 2015 the average man is not only financially independent but also he can come home, iron his shirt for work the next morning and cook and clean. Don’t get me started on the boss ladies out there killing the game with their CEO status, finally surpassing men financially. It’s an accomplishment and progression I am 100% proud of, but what happens to when a good woman comes home from work and needs her mind, body and spirit taken care of? Not just looking at myself but also women in my circle/ surroundings who are good women with morals and standards, why are they still single? It’s becoming far too frequent that women with substance are being left on the sideline and these “Insta famous” girls who are known for dipping in and out of relationships repetitively are being claimed and treated like royalty. I had a conversation with a man today about this meme who shared his views. He told me the problem with good girls are men are scared to mess them around so they lose interest once they have figured out what type of woman she is. What I find hard to digest is  if this bullshit excuse is true, surely this would be one of the fundamental reasons to have this kind of woman in a mans live. A good girl with morals is an investment, a “bad bitch” is an expense. The guy went on to tell me that if a good girl was a bit naughty she might catch the eye of a good guy that wants to hold on to her. This is where I started to roll my eyes. What do you mean a bit naughty? If you’re talking about sex I’m going to keep it very real and say every woman loves it. Everyone has a freaky side but it just takes the right partner to bring that side out of you. Who’s to say a good woman with morals can’t and won’t be a freak in the bedroom? But in order for that side to be exposed, I feel you have to lay some foundation and get to know the person on a deeper level. Make her feel like she is the only one you want and think of. I know when it comes to myself I like to get to know a man, have conversations and get a feel of where his mind is at. At the end of the day both parties want sex but mental stimulation is a must. I know it is for me anyway. I’m not saying this would take 90 days like Steve Harvey “think like a man” had suggested, I’m just saying consistency and effort goes a long way. Shit if the vibe and attraction is mutual who’s to say intimacy wouldn’t come within a short time frame. It’s just a sad situation that pussy is a dime a dozen and investing time whether it is small or long Is something that is looked at as  energy draining.

The men who are “wifin” the hoes, the women that lack of substance don’t seem to require depth and mental stimulation from their partner. Instead I find men are focusing on the exterior side of how sexy she looks in her Instagram posts and how many men are envious of the fact she is now claimed. Eventually when the relationship starts to fall a part, the notion of what woman should stand for remains clouded and the bullshit just continues in this  vicious cycle. But hey this is just my opinion.

The Misconception of a Woman’s Body

This also applies to women too. It’s so easy to get caught up in the social world.  The misconception of what a “real” woman should look like has many women feeling inadequate, less than because it’s what’s idolised by the masses. Small waist and a big fat booty is what most are killing themselves to look like, even though every woman’s body is built differently. I am guilty of having this cloudy idea of how I should look. But I understand that no one is perfect, no such thing! I’m flawed and have many imperfections but I’m working on being a better healthier me. To love yourself for exactly who you are and all the qualities you possess is sexy. A man that can’t do the same is NOT for you. 😘😉